megan in jerusalem

megan in... massachusetts?

2008-06-07T19:48:00.000-07:00

so, i'm home. it's been almost a month now since i stepped off the plane in boston. it's all very strange. it is also very normal, somehow, as though i never left, as though it was all a dream.

i did dream of jerusalem last night. i woke up sad, willing the dream to continue, walking through the narrow, slippery steps of the old city, ignoring the obnoxious comments of the shopkeepers, watching the sun gleam off of the golden dome of el axa mosque, laughing with friends in the student lounge.

i woke up with a feeling of dread, of foreboding, as though leaving was still before me. but it wasn't. it isn't. i have left.

people keep saying i will go back. they mean to be comforting, i know. and perhaps i will some day. but it won't be the same. it will never be the same again. this may seem simple, but it is hard to accept.

there are so many things that i wish i had pictures of. i have nothing to show of the most familiar of places and people. the places i saw every day, and never thought to leave. everything became so normal so quickly. and now i have left.

so, if you are reading this, and were there with me, i miss you. if you are someone i have come home to, don't take it personally. and if anyone happens to receive texts of random trivia, don't be concerned. i am sure it is just a phase, and will pass soon.

an hour and a half

2008-05-10T13:28:00.000-07:00

i leave soon. REALLY soon.

it's kind of scary, really, how fast this semester has gone by. i still remember sitting in my room blogging about how i was leaving in 2 days and wasn't packed. how did time go by so quickly?

so many changes, so many friends, so many memories. if i were asked to explain what i've learned, i wouldn't even know where to begin. i feel like i've gained so much confidence this semester. i have long dreamed of being a woman, and as frightening as it sounds, i think i am getting there. many of my friends here might not know it, but they don't know who i was before. to be honest, i'm not sure i do, either.

i hope i have learned to stand strong, but not alone. i hope i have learned to search for truth, and not simply swallow what is fed to me. i hope i have learned how to build friendships. i hope i have learned how to trust, and heal, and hope. so many fears have been realized, so many anxieties uncovered, but somehow i have managed to pull through this far.

an hour and a half. well, a little less than that now. i hope i will spend it well.

i hope i will spend life well.

poem

2008-05-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

this is a poem i wrote about a time a couple years ago when i was dealing with depression and anxiety. i was thinking back to that time a few weeks ago, and i wrote this poem sort of as a reminder of how far i've come, and what changes have been worked in me since then. i don't usually write poetry, but i thought i'd share it anyway. its called trapped.

Trapped

Did I hear it?
Did I see it?
I don’t know.
I’m not sure.
Let me check again.
Again.
Again.

So simple,
Would it matter?
One small mistake?
But in my mind,
It is not so small.

When the world is,
So limited:
Only what we hear,
Only what we see,
Only what we feel,
Do we know?
Can we?

Unimportant,
But all-consuming.
I must not be seen,
To be human.

Perfection.
Unattainable?
I think not!
But do I know?
Can I?

Careful,
Not to trust.
I’ll seem foolish,
If they fail,
If I fail.
I fail.
I fail.

Trapped on earth,
Wanting something,
Wanting truth.
But I can’t find it.
I can’t hear it.
I can’t see it.

Someday,
Maybe,
I’ll be human,
And they won’t care.
I won’t care.
They don’t care.

Until then,
Perfection,
On the outside.

Or if I can’t,
Be perfect,
I’ll be nothing.
Quiet.
Blank.

But inside,
Always,
I fail.
I fail.
I fail.

Holocaust Memorial Day

2008-05-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

the streets are almost empty, but all who are out have stopped and stand still. the cars have pulled over to the side of the road and sit, lined up, waiting, listening to the siren. A steady, eerie sound that reaches the whole city.

today is holocaust memorial day. in israel, it is call the day of shoah, a word representative of the holocaust, and courage. it is a day where this nation stops and remembers the 6 million of their not-so-distant relatives who died, and those who, by the grace of God, did not.

two minutes. two minutes of stillness, two minutes of silence, except for the shrill call of the siren. that's not much time to remember.

2008-04-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

i realized yesterday that i have less than 2 weeks until i come home. despite the endless papers and tests awaiting my attention, i thought i should write at least one last blog entry before i go home.

i never finished telling stories from egypt, did it? oh well, they can wait. right now, i will talk about jordan.

about 2 weeks ago i went with my physical settings of the Bible class to jordan for 4 days. we saw the ancient edomite, moabite, and ammonite lands, as well as a few random stops that had nothing to do with our class. one of those stops was, of course, petra. you cant go to jordan and not see petra. it was an incredible day of hiking, taking pictures, climbing rocks, and humming the indiana jones theme.

because we were a large 'tour' group, we were required to hire a tour guide. our tour guide's name was zafar, and he was one of the most ridiculous men i have ever met. his lectures were memorable if only for quotes like referring to the demon possessed man in the story of jesus sending the demons into the pigs as "the freaky man", talking for 15 minutes about a forest that had been cut down in a war, and replanted, and blah, blah, blah, and ending the speech with "and the whole point of this is... wood!", labeling a room in a crusader castle "the frontal, front, army front chamber... in the front", hiking through a canyon and referring to the boulders we had to climb over as "serious bitch obstacles" in a bible class. this man was amazing!

so, that was the first trip to jordan. then this past weekend i went with my cultural backgrounds of the bible class back to jordan, for 3 days this time. the first night we stayed with a bedouin family in wadi rum. they killed 2 sheep for us, and we ate them. they had camels, and tents, and kids, and it was all very interesting. we had question and answer time with our host, and talked about everything from genealogy to his oldest son's studies.

the next day we went to meet a sheik and he spoke to us about his four wives, his nomadic lifestyle, his role as a leader of his people, and the translator gave us a demonstration on the many ways to wear a kafia.

afterwards, we went to the translators village, and saw how people made cheese by putting milk in a sheepskin and shaking it for 3 or 4 hours, and how they formed it and coated it in salt to preserve it. then we saw how they made bread, and sifted grain and ground it into flour. i haven't looked at my pictures yet, but i'll post some at some point, when i have a chance to get myself all sorted out.

galillee, egypt, and jordan, round 1

2008-04-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

its been a while since i've updated, and i have so much to write about!

two weekends ago i spent 4 days in galillee on a class study trip. it was by far the best i have been on, and i love every minute of it. we had the chance to see many places talked about in the gospels, and even got to take a boat from one side of the sea of galillee to capernaum on the other side.

we stayed at a resorty place, right on the water, that was directly across from tiberius. on a clear night you could see all the lights from tiberius. it was so beautiful.

we got back from that trip at about 6 sunday night, ate dinner, showered, and did laundry. the next week was spring break, and i and 4 of my friends had plans to leave the college at 6 the next morning. after packing and getting a couple hours of sleep we all met and started off towards our bus, which was on the other side of jerusalem, at around 6:15. the bus was scheduled to leave at 7:15, so halfway through the walk, we decided to get taxis, since we wouldnt have enough time to walk to the other side of the city. after settling on a decent pice (that was later refused by one of the taxi drivers, who demanded more) we got to the bus on time. it took about four hours to get to eilat.

once in eilat, we stopped and ate lunch by the red sea, and went for a quick swim. then we took a bus maybe 20 minutes to the border crossing, and walked through to taba, egypt. we then hired a taxi for the next three days. the first day, we went and stayed at a place aptly named paradise beach, near nweba. this place was beautiful, and we were almost the only people there. we stayed in grass huts on the beach for about 2 dollars that night, and ate amazing food, and went snorkeling and swimming. that night they gave us bedouin tea and something from south africa that tasted like irish cream, and played drums by the fire.

the next day, our taxi driver, abrahim, drove us to st. catherine's at mt. sinai. after arguing for about an hour about whether or not we needed to pay for a guide to help us to the top (we thought we didnt, but apparently its "illegal" not to), the five of us hired a guide along with two men from malta, and a guy named sasha from russia. our group soon split into the fit ones, who went up with the guide, and the slow ones, (myself included) who saw the guide for all of the first fifteen minutes of an almost three hour climb.

when we finally got to the top, it was just before sunset, so we found a good place to set up camp, and broke out the food! we ate while we watched the sunset. after a couple hours we went to bed, most of us out under the stars. i have never seen so many stars! it was unbelievable. we had been told it could get pretty cold, so in addition to our sleeping bags, most of us rented mats and blankets from the bedouins. at about midnight, the first other group arrived at the top, and from then on there is a new person or group getting to the top every hour or so. some of them start to take pictures of us.

we woke at about 4 with the moon still rising, but a hint of pink on the horizon. the top of sinai is full now, with hundreds of people with their camera's out, waiting to see the sun. we can see where it will rise from our sleeping bags, so we don't move. as time goes on, the sun gets higher, and people start snapping pictures, with someone every so often turning around to take a picture of us. later we stood and realized why. we were a mess! i'll post pictures later, but we look like flood victims or something! you can see a short video of that morning here.

after hiking back down, abrahim drives us to dahab. we spend most of the rest of the week there. unfortunatley, i have to go, but i will continue with stories from dahab, and from jordan (where i am going tomorrow with a class) at some other time. bye!

the dawning of hope in jerusalem

2008-03-23T12:34:00.000-07:00

this morning i went to a sunrise service at the garden tomb in east jerusalem. while historically jesus was most likely not buried here, the place still is held in a special place in the lives of many people. i had never been there before, but the garden was lovely, and i can imagine it is very serene and beautiful when it is not crowded with hundreds of tourists.

the service itself was good, but occasionally somewhat annoying because of how very american it was. it was mostly singing, with a short message. one of the songs was described as an anthem, and was more than usually american sounding in tune, but the first line stood out to me.

"See, what a morning, gloriously bright, with the dawning of hope in Jerusalem"

i love that idea. the dawning of hope in jerusalem. i haven't been here long, not even two months yet, but i have fallen in love with this city, with this land. but the longer i stay here the more things that back home seemed black and white fade and blur into misty shades of gray. but there is hope.

i want peace. there are few who would say that they do not. but i think that there is something even more sad than a lack of peace, and that is a lack of hope. people here are beginning to doubt that peace is even possible. they have no peace, and they are losing hope.

in my islamic thought and practice class last monday my professor, a catholic palestinian arab from bethlehem in the west bank, told us a little about his life. he said that he had gone to school in the states, and eventually got a green card and lived there for almost twenty years. he came back to his homeland, back to bethlehem, to teach at bethlehem university. he wanted to educate his people. he came with a hope of making a difference, of bringing education to stem the violence and injustice. but that is not what happened.

"It has gone from bad to worse," he said, "I am looking for a light at the end of the tunnel, even just a little candle. It is not there. I cannot see it."

the more violence there is the more those wanting peace lose hope. they begin to think there is no peace, there cannot be peace. without hope, there can be no peace. this city, this land has seen enough of darkness, of night. it is time for dawn.

you think you've heard it all....

2008-03-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

my friend jenna and i were walking last night to go to a good friday service in the old city. we walk around together alot, and it's not uncommon for us to have men stare and call out inappropriate things to the "pretty american girls". i don't like it, but for my part, as long as they don't try to touch me, i just ignore it. sadly, you get used to it after a while. but last night was special.

we're walking past this guy, deliberately not looking at him, but still aware of where he is, when he starts to sing.

"Dontcha wish your boyfriend was good like me?"

we were barely able to walk past him before bursting with laughter. you've got to give him a point for creativity! he got our attention all right.

good friday

2008-03-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

tonight we had a service in st. anne's church in the old city. this church is incredibly beautiful. it was built to be intentionally asymmetrical, with designs on one side not quite matching those on the other. because of its arched stone ceilings, it has a seven-second echo.

the service started with singing, which sounded really cool because of the echo. our director stood and said a few thoughts about good friday, and then we participated in communion. afterwards our attention was directed towards seven lit candles at the front of the church. there were two or three verses read or quoted for seven stages of good friday, and after each section was read, one candle was extinguished. this continued until Jesus gives up his spirit, and the last candle was extinguished. we left the church in silence.

when i was young, i never understand why good friday was called "good". it didn't seem good at all, to me. a few days ago student here at JUC told a story about a discussion he had had with a muslim. this man, who was for all intents and purposes trying to encourage my friend, reassured him that "it is ok, Jesus didn't really die." but what neither myself as a young child, nor this man understood was that without Jesus dying, there is no true life. i still don't like it. i wish i could not believe it, but i am stuck. all i can do is be grateful.

mysticism

2008-03-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

this morning in my history of the church in the east class we talked about mysticism. at the beginning of class, the professor, a brilliant german woman named petra heldt, laughed as she said we would be covering christian mysticism in one hour. she knew it would be impossible.

as we talked about the ideas of theosis* and the mystical stages of ecstasy, catharsis, and apathy** left me wondering about life, and more than that, life after death. is everything we do on this earth really just done in preparation of the world to come?

sometimes i think that discussing things like what happens when you die is pointless. we will never know, so why waste countless hours talking about what we think. what we think isn't going to change anything. but i can't help but wonder.

i have often imagined dying, the last breaths, those last seconds when you realize this is it, and then they stop. your body is quickly running out of oxygen. are you conscious? do you know when it stops? or do you fade out sometime before death. if so, then when does spirit-consciousness return? when is the moment when you realize, "i'm dead"? does it happen on this earth? or are you immediately in His presence? i've thought about this many times, sometimes even wondering if i'll know what to do. what if i get lost? i wouldn't put it past me.

but i suppose in the end, there is no knowing. i'll just have to wait and see.

______________________________________________________________________

* the eastern orthodox depiction of sanctification. the idea that God became man, through Jesus, so that men might become God. this is not becoming part of God's essence, but rather being sanctified, and are so filled with God's spirit that you and the spirit are one. this can only fully happen after death.
** ecstasy is when a person is entranced with God, when they are "high" on God. catharsis is when you begin to let go of worldly passions. and apathy is when you have succeeded in separating yourself from worldly passions, and are completely engrossed in God. these are VERY simplistic definitions, but i hope they help anyway.

of en gedi, knives, and pirates

2008-03-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

last night myself, jenna, andrew, j.e., christina and shlomy decided to go back to en gedi. we had been there last weekend, but we didn't have much of a chance to look around, so we thought we'd go back and explore, and go swimming, and just have fun. we were meeting to leave at 5:55.

at about 6 we're standing by the gate, waiting for j.e., who had only just woken up, because his alarm had decided to not go off.

we had been told we could catch a bus to bring us to the main bus station down at the end of our street. so we go and stand where we think it might stop and we wait. and wait. some random man was walking down the street, and shlomy decided to ask him for directions. he told us to go further down the street, so we walked down the street, and found another place to stand and wait. and we waited again.

we're still nto seeing any buses, so shlomy walks one way to ask people for directions, and andrew walks the other direction. shlomy comes back, not having gotten any information, so we set off in the direction andrew had gone to try and find him. by this point, we've been standing around for about 20 minutes. we find andrew, who still doesn't know what's going on, and we decide to walk; the bus station is only about 30 minutes walk from where we are. as we walk, we pass two police officers, and andrew asks them about buses. they told us to wait at a certain street corner, so we walk towards it, and stop on the way so shlomy can use an atm. while shlomy is trying atm after atm to try to find one that 'speaks' english, andrew starts talking to this taxi driver, but then shlomy comes back, and we decide we'd rather keep walking. we find a guy who speaks english (yay!) and gives us great directions to the bus station, which we find pretty easily.

being in israel, it is no surprise to us that there is security at the bus station. we all put our bags on the conveyor belt, and step through the metal detector. but then we stop. apparently the guards have found a knife in andrew's bag. one of the guards calls her boss to come over. the conversation went as follows:

security guard: you have a knife
andrew: yes, i have a knife
security guard: why do you have this knife?
andrew: it's a camping knife
security guard: you cannot have this. it is legal in israel
andrew: it is legal?
security guard: yes, it is not illegal
andrew: it is not illegal? so, its ok?
security guard: no, its not ok, it is not illegal
andrew: it is not illegal? so, no problem?
security guard: no, big problem
andrew: big problem. so its illegal, i cant have it
security guard: yes.
andrew: oh, im sorry, i didnt know.
security guard: ok, you have 2 options. you can leave now, and not come in here, or i can call the police
andrew: hmm... how long would it take for the police to get here?
(at this point, the rest of us are standing there, thinking "andrew, are you sure you want the police involved in this?")
security guard: i dont know. when is your bus leaving?
(none of us know, so j.e. jenna and i go to find out. when we come back, the police have been called, and we spend the next 20 minutes or so waiting for them)

when the police finally get there, they take andrew off into a corner to question him. he returns a few minutes later, knifeless, but free to go. he told us that the conversation went something like this:

police: why do you have this knife? it is illegal!
andrew: i didnt know
police: but why do you have it?
andrew: i didnt know it was illegal!
police: hmm... you have 2 options (they like the whole options thing). you can break it, or you can give it to me
andrew: well, its a pretty nice knife, i dont want to break it. why dont you take it. (he says this while thinking "what am i supposed to do, start throwing it against the wall to try and break it?")

so, the next bus leaves in 45 minutes, but blah blah blah, we spend a long time figuring out what to do, before deciding not to go that day because of whether, timing, money, and lots of details i wont bore you with. but before heading back to campus, we decide to stop at the shuk on our way by, and have yet another interesting conversation.

the six of us are standing around in a circle, trying to decide what to do, when we are approached by a man wearing a jacket and tie, and smoking... something. the conversation went something like this.

man: anybody want to get high?
us: um, no thanks, we're good
man: my name is captain jack, who's your captain?
shlomy: yeshua is my captain
captain jack: i need a new crew, do you want to be my crew? (by this point he has started talking in a pretty convincing pirate voice, which he keeps up for the rest of the conversation)
shlomy: no, i already have a captain, my captain is yeshua
captain jack: well, i'll kill him, and then you can be my crew
shlomy: no, you cant kill yeshua. they already tried that
captain jack: well, then, i'll just burn his ship
j.e.: he'll just walk on water
captain jack: well, i lost my woman and my rum in one day, and i need a new crew
shlomy: you can be part of yeshua's crew.
captain jack: no, but he could be part of mine
shlomy: no, yeshua doesn't have a captain, he is the captain
captain jack: does anybody want to get high??
us: no, thats ok

captain jack bids us farewell, and walks slightly unsteadily down the street. the whole time he never stepped out of character, asked questions, looked confused or anything. it made us wonder how much he actually believed he was a pirate.

so, that was my morning. and keep in mind this all happened before 10 am. quite an adventure, and we never even left jerusalem!

pictures!

2008-03-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

this past weekend my physical settings of the Bible class went on a three day field study. the first day we went to the shephelah, or lowlands. we stopped for a while at an old palestinian village. the inhabitants of the village were moved to gaza years ago. the area was full of trees and flowers and caves. it was all very beautiful.

this first picture was taken in a room at this village, looking out through some pillars at the hills.

it is the beginning of almond season in israel, and the almond trees are all in bloom. they're so lovely!

the second day we went to the negev, or desert. we stopped at be'er sheva and saw this reconstruction of an altar that was found there. there is no mention of an altar at be'er sheva in the Bible, so no-one really knows why it was there, but it looks very much like other Biblical altars they have found on other sites.

this next picture was taken on our third day at masada, down towards the dead sea. you can sort of see the sea off to the left of the picture through the haze.

this picture is of a river at en gedi. this place was incredible, literally waterfalls in the desert. after three days of hiking in the dry heat, en gedi felt like heaven.

there were lots of little animals at en gedi. there were these little rodent things that would just sit there and stare at you. they were too funny!

so, that was a very brief version of my weekend. i'll try and post some more pictures and maybe some stories later on, after im done with midterms.

if you're interested...

2008-03-06T23:03:00.000-08:00

i found this fascinating blog. it is written by 2 men, one israeli in a town near the gaza border, and one gazan in a refugee camp in gaza. their english is not perfect, but they're hope is for peace.

jerusalem shooting

2008-03-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

so, i was out in jerusalem this evening. matt and jenna and i decided to walk around for a while. it was fairly uneventful, but on our way back, we noticed several vehicles with blinking lights speeding into the city. we didnt think much of it. in jerusalem, theres always police and military around. but we were curious, so when we got back to school, matt and jenna looked up what was happening online.

you can check out the story here and here, and basically anywhere else at this point. im sure there will be many more updates as the information comes in. this literally just happened within the hour.

PLEASE pray! i dont feel in danger, and i have yet to, but this situation has gone from bad to worse very quickly, and who knows where this all will lead. There hasn't been a terrorist attack in jerusalem in four years. God only knows what will happen. please pray for peace, in jerusalem, west bank, gaza, everywhere. i will try to keep you updated on what is going on, both with me personally, and in general in this part of the world.

lunch in the west bank? why not!

2008-03-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

so, today jenna and matt and i decided to go to bethlehem for lunch. we had a whole day off, and i was determined to have an adventure. jenna wanted to take some pictures of the graffiti on the palestinian side of the wall, so we were advised to take the bus that takes us through the checkpoint.

we got on the bus in jerusalem. its about a half hour drive to the security point. when we get off the bus at the wall, we follow the short line of people inside. as we watched the palestinians show their papers to the guards, i realized they were also having to put their hand in a machine to check fingerprints. they barely glanced at our american passports before waving us through.

once on the other side, we were bombarded by multiple taxi drivers, each trying to tell us how far it was to walk to bethlehem center. we decided to walk, anyway, despite warnings that it was five kilometers away. we weren't even sure where we were going, so we just followed where all the tour buses and taxis seemed to be going.

we stopped to take pictures of the wall. the graffiti was incredibly moving, no matter what political or religious stance you hold. this first one takes my breath away. this one wasn't actually on the wall, it was on a building nearby, but i can't get over the imagery of the dove, which represents peace, in the bullet proof vest.

"blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted". these words of jesus struck me as both out of place, and surprisingly appropriate in this setting. i wouldn't have expected to see this here. another syaing i saw, that i was unable to get a picture of, said "jesus wept for jerusalem, we weep for palestine"

this next one basically speaks for itself, i think.

"no justice, no peace" and underneath it, "made in america". that was stenciled all over the wall, a reminder of how some, at least, view the american government.

anyway, so after taking pictures we amazingly found our way to the center of bethlehem, which is quite an accomplishment for us. however, we had been told sundays were a good day to go there, but everything seemed to be closed. we met up with j.e. and molly, two other JUC students, and they introduced us to a shopkeeper they knew, named adnan. he gave us juice (true middle eastern hospitality) and showed us a picture of his four children saying he preferred to have just a small family. he also told us why everything was closed. apparently the whole west bank, and even the old city of jerusalem, was on strike as a protest to the violence in gaza these last few days. the death count is up to over eighty people, too many of whom were civilians. he said that there had been a demonstration that morning just in front of the church of the nativity. i was not sorry we had missed it.

we were able to find a falafel place that was open, and enjoyed a quick lunch, before deciding to head back the way we had come. like on the walk there, we heard gunfire in the distance. i happened to glance down one of the streets as we passed, and there we people shouting and running. suddenly two military vehicles that had just been sitting on the corner by the wall sped off towards the commotion. we kept walking, and i was surprisingly unfased by all of it.

so, that was my day. as strange as it sounds, this is all becoming very normal for me. i would ask for any prayers you could offer for those in the midst of the israeli/gaza battles. there are too many people caught in the middle, with no where to go, and it breaks my heart.

procrastinating

2008-02-29T09:39:00.001-08:00

i am supposed to be writing a paper right now, which makes this the perfect time to let you all (whoever you are, does anyone even read this?) know what i've been up to.

this morning my friends jenna, j.e. and i climbed the mount of olives to watch the muslims pray at the dome of the rock. non-muslims arent allowed in that particular building, but if you go to the top of the mount of olives at midday on fridays, you can see them performing their prayers. it was amazing to watch so many people worship in unison. though we were a good distance away, we could hear the responses of the crowd to whatever it was the muezzin/imam was saying. j.e. commented that in america we would only ever get that excited about a footall game or something. here, this happens every friday at prayers.

afterwards we went to the shuk (jewish food market). this is always fun to do on a friday afternoon, because everyone is scurrying around getting ready for shabbat, which starts at sunset. we got falafels (yum!!) and sat on a step and at them and watched all the people. there was one older lady with her hair dyed in patchwork, parts blond, parts brown, and parts red. the older women here have very interesting taste in hairstyles. and some hippie types with bushy side-curls and dreads. there was a girl, maybe my age, wearing nondescript jeans and a t-shirt holding her large military weapon and looking very natural, in an odd sort of way. and mothers in long skirts and kerchief-covered heads juggling carrying their small children and their groceries at the same time.

last weekend i went to jericho with my history of the church in the east class. we visited three churches, the first was an ethiopian orthodox church, on a compound occupied by 4 ethiopian monks. this church was more of a chapel really. they were building another on the compound, but we were unable to go inside, because it was still under construction. unfortunately i forget the name of the man who showed us around, but he was very sweet and read us a passage from the Bible in Ge'ez (or was it Amharic?)

the next place we went was a coptic church. this church was small as well, but very beautiful, with many lovely icons, and decorated floors and ceilings. this was the front of the church, with tapestries, and pictures of jesus and the twelve disciples above.

this is a picture of the coptic Bible. on the right is Arabic, which is the language most egyptians speak at home. on the left is the coptic language, which looks very much like greek, but i am told it doesnt sound like it at all.

this is a (somewhat blurry) picture of the coptic preist who showed us around. i dont remember his name, either. im bad with names. but he was very nice, and gave us tea and cookies and dates, and later cucumbers from his garden. apparently jericho is famous for its cucumbers. who knew? anyway, here he is standing in what is believed to be zaccheus' house, which has now been turned into a little chapel. it is also, oddly enough, believed to be the tomb of several famous prophets.

this last picture is from the armenian orthodox church. this church was too beautiful to believe. every inch was decorated, every wall, the whole ceiling, the floors, everything. it was gorgeous. when we got there there was a service going on but it got over shortly after we arrived. parts of the church were still under construction, but apparently the armenians were trying to build a place suitable to hold another ecumenical council at some point in the future. ecumenical councils are a big part of this class.

ok, i hope i've written enough to make up for the weeks that have gone by since my last post. comments are always appreciated, since they let me know im not writing for nobody. speaking of writing for nobody, maybe i should start that paper...

so...

2008-02-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

apparently im really bad at keeping up with this. maybe i'll have time to post something this weekend.

maybe.

art and life

2008-02-12T06:52:00.001-08:00

I have always loved creating and looking at art. I have really loved being able to view the beautiful artwork and architecture these past couple of weeks. This is especially evident in the churches and cathedrals we have visited. Whether it is the deliberate discrepancies of St. Anne’s Church, or the great domes and magnificent paintings of the Holy Sepulchre, or even ancient patterns of the crumbling mosaics on the floors by the old steps of the temple mount; I could stand forever exploring every detail, thinking about the person who created such beauty, wondering if they had any idea how long their creation would last, or how fascinating it might one day be to others. I also think about the immense numbers of such works that have been destroyed, and will never be found.

There was one painting in particular that I saw yesterday that really stood out in my mind. It was in the church in Bethlehem. When I went down into the place where Jesus was sais to have been born, there was a small picture of Mary being visited by the angel Gabriel. It was smaller than some, and darker, dimly portrayed in shades of gold and blue and red.

But despite the obvious royal stylization of the picture, it was not really the art work that moved me. Although it was beautiful, the picture stands out in my memory because of the subject. I was suddenly struck by the realization that she was just a girl, and possibly a very young girl. While I have no doubt that she must have been a spiritually extraordinary person, she must have been terrified. To have a child, and not an ordinary child, but the very son of God, growing inside your own body; I cannot even imagine what must have been going through her head!

The reason I think this has struck me so severely is the fact that I will be an aunt in just a few months. My sister Heather, who is only two years older than me, and who has been one of my best friends since I was born, is now about 20 weeks pregnant. She is due June 16. She keeps sending ultrasound pictures to me every month, and I am completely in awe of this little person. (I attached the most recent one, so you can be, too. It looks like its sucking its thumb). The idea that there is a life growing inside of her is incredible to me. I already love this little one so much, and we have yet to even meet.

Life is truly the most beautiful creation, made even more so by its fragility. How many lives have simply disappeared, to never be known or thought of again? What can a person leave behind? Some have left great tombs in an attempt to be remembered, but what has it truly accomplished? The only things in life that should matter to us are those that will last, those that are eternal, but they can be hard to find, and even harder to focus on.

hebrew passwords

2008-02-05T16:22:00.000-08:00

so, my computer has recently discovered a new talent: speaking hebrew. unfortunately, for a chronic password-forgetter like me, trying to reset my password to log onto my blog when all the instructions were in hebrew was a challenge.

anyway, here i am, finally. not much has happened the last few days. on friday me and my roommates karen (whos from gordon, and studied here last semester), jenna, and anna went out to the jewish shuk (market) in the new city. we walked around, tried some foods, got lunch, and then anna and karen went back to campus for class. jenna and i went to the old city and walked around. we've been trying to learn our way, and we're doing pretty well, if i say so myself.

friday night was shabbat. here at juc they have a special shabbat dinner. everyone eats at the same time, and the tables are decorated and people dress up. before eating a short shabbat ceremony was held. candles were lit, blessing were spoken, songs were sung, and challah was eaten (yum!)

on saturday jenna and matt and i went walking through the new city, which was eerily quiet due to shabbat. all the shops and restaurants were closed, and there were very few people around. we wandered for a while, and then returned to campus, where i again pretended to do homework for several hours (i say pretended, because no matter how long i spend, i never seem to get anywhere).

on sunday we went on a field study through the city of david, the western wall, and a couple other places (for pics, check out my facebook). it was a long day, beginning at 7, ending at 5, with an hour in between for lunch. but despite all the walking, it was a really great day!

monday was filled with classes and pretending to do homework. and tuesday (today) was much the same, except it was very sunny and warm, so i did some reading outside on the roof.

so, that gives a small taste of a normal few days for me now. i miss you all and would love to hear from anyone who has questions, or just wants to say 'hi'. talk to you all later!

pictures

2008-01-29T09:04:00.002-08:00

so, i just thought i'd post a few pictures and make everyone jealous. you should be, by the way. this place is incredible and anyone who ever has the chance to go needs to take it!!

the picture below is the dome of the rock. if you look to the stone wall at the bottom of the picture, to the left, where one wall stops and another begins, that is the western wall, formerly known as the wailing wall.

this (sideways) picture is of some ancient rebuilt pillars, which were originally built by the romans.

and this picture is of the eastern hill on the left as taken from the western hill.

hope i have made you sufficiently jealous! for more pictures you can check out my facebook. i will try to keep you updated on everything.

i'm here

2008-01-26T12:12:00.000-08:00

for those of you who haven't heard, i am here. i have arrived and i am safe and happy.

i love it here. everyone has questions, and i'm not sure i have answers yet, but i know i love it. i will fill you in on everything as soon as my brain has had time to digest it all. everything is happening so fast! but it's incredible, though seemingly indescribable to me at present.

love you all and miss you!

last day

2008-01-22T18:13:00.000-08:00

so, i have one more day left home. well, two, really, if you count thursday. but i leave thursday at 1ish and so it doesnt really count, i think.

i dont know what to think about next semester. people keep asking what my expectations are, and i never know how to answer them because to be honest i dont really have any. at least none that are obvious at the moment. i'm sure once i get there i will start to realize all the things that are different than i thought they would be. but for now i am content to think of myself as open to anything, completely blank, and ready for whatever comes my way.

packing was an ordeal. i am not by nature an organized person, and i had to fit four months into a few bags, and that is no easy task. i took the whole day yesterday to figure out what i had and what i still needed. i am just about ready, i think. but then again, i have very little idea what i am getting myself into. probably i will get there and realize i've packed all the wrong things. this wont bother me too much, though, i think, except for the amount of time i spent in packing it all.

in my heart, at least, i am ready to go, ready to leave this place again. i watched a movie tonight with my parents. i never asked the name, and didnt really pay attention, but there was this one scene in an airport that got me excited. the scene itself was quite boring really, but i loved that it was in an airport. i know i will probably hate airports in a few days, but just now they speak of worlds i have yet to see, and one in particular i will be seeing very soon.

four days

2008-01-20T22:08:00.000-08:00

i leave on thursday. today is sunday. that gives me four days.

i haven't started packing yet.

my parents are not pleased about this, but they will get over it.

I love the Sea

2007-12-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

I love the sea. So broad and beautiful, stretching out further than any eye can see. Her strong waves, though the have claimed countless lives through the ages, are yet beloved by millions. She is ever-changing and always the same. I have watched the sea my whole life, and I am still awed by her majesty. She answers no questions, and gives no account for her ways, yet I remain captivated. Both the brilliance of sunrise and the glory of sunset are multiplied when viewed across the sea. She can turn even the dullest grey fog into an intriguing mist.

I get so irritated by the scores of tourists who come here every summer. These people claim to love the beach, but who in reality only love it for what it can give to them. They come with their sunscreen and their surfboards, their beach umbrellas and their bikinis, and everything they "need" to have a fun day at the beach. But their value of the sea has nothing to do with the sea herself; only with their own amusement.

I could stand forever and watch her. Whether stormy or sunny, high tide or low; I just want to be near her, breath her in. She is like a friend, or a sister; the closest thing I have to home on this earth.

I was thinking all of this today, as I sat and watched the gentle waves rippling on the sand. And then a thought struck me, you may have seen it already, but my mind works slower than some.

I see God as those tourists see the sea.

I do not love Him for Him, I love Him for saving me, for protecting me, etc. in fact, I often go away to where I am most comfortable, and forget all about him for a while.

Rarely do I have a desire to just be with God. Rarely do I sit and breath him in.

I do not like that His past (and some would argue, His present) includes violence.

I do not like that He makes no explanations or excuses to me.

I do feel the need to bring along hoards of useless crap in order to fully enjoy my experience with the Most-High (as though He needs schedules and neatly drawn up devotionals to work in my life).

And I do think that I can get away with two intense weeks of "God-time" per year, and that will suffice until next time.

I love the sea. I love God, too, but not in the same way. Not yet, anyway.

questions and answers

2007-12-12T16:40:00.001-08:00

being a bible major can be somewhat counter-productive. i mean, i love learning about this incredible book around which i have built my life, at least in theory. but sometimes turning my faith into something academic makes me forget that its my faith. sometimes the bible becomes just another textbook. sometimes i get so caught up in needing to know answers, that i forget to ask the questions.

i have a quote from tertullian. it is pinned against the wall by my bed. well, not pinned, its actually attached with blue goo, the only substance permitted to attach paper to walls in dorms without incurring the wrath of god, or something. but anyway, about the quote. i love it because it reminds me of the ridiculousness of my beliefs, of the absurdity of my faith tradition.

i always want to laugh when i hear people try to logically defend christianity. i mean, dont get me wrong, i believe that god is logical to a degree, and that he gave us minds and we should use them, but if you ever get the chance to observe an interfaith argument, just sit back and listen and see if you cant follow the ideas of the person whose beliefs are furthest from yours. ive watched christians try to argue people into christianity, and i am always amused because, generally speaking, the other person has better arguments and understands their faith, and often christianity, much more than the christian does.

seriously, though, most other religions make sense. christainity? not so much. but thats the beauty of it. no one sits around and makes this kind of shit up, you know? i mean, if i were to try to invent a religion, god coming to earth as a baby, growing up to be a homeless preacher, and being brutally executed by the occupying government would have nothing to do with it, much less the whole part about all of humanity being helplessly sinful. its all so completely out-there, literally.

so, here's what tertullian said:

The Son of God was crucified;
I am not ashamed because men needs be ashamed.

And the Son of God died;
it is by all means to be believed because it is absurd.

And he was buried and rose again;
the fact is certain, because it is impossible.

i really love this, that what i believe makes no sense (which is probably what you're thinking about this entry). i dont need the answers. i can question, i can wonder, its ok because the one who invented this plan is a whole lot smarter than me anyway. this doesnt mean i can turn off my brain, it just means that i will always be a student, my job will always be to ask the questions, and sometimes the asking takes more thinking than coming up with answers

my latest distraction

2007-12-11T21:15:00.000-08:00

a few weeks ago i was accepted to study with a program in the city of jerusalem for next semester. my friend suggested i start a blog to relate my adventures to those who i leave back home. myself being a person of few words, i am sure he thought nothing of it. but i'm finding myself quite fascinated by this new world at my fingertips.

jeff, if i fail college because of this, i am blaming you