mysticism

this morning in my history of the church in the east class we talked about mysticism. at the beginning of class, the professor, a brilliant german woman named petra heldt, laughed as she said we would be covering christian mysticism in one hour. she knew it would be impossible.

as we talked about the ideas of theosis* and the mystical stages of ecstasy, catharsis, and apathy** left me wondering about life, and more than that, life after death. is everything we do on this earth really just done in preparation of the world to come?

sometimes i think that discussing things like what happens when you die is pointless. we will never know, so why waste countless hours talking about what we think. what we think isn't going to change anything. but i can't help but wonder.

i have often imagined dying, the last breaths, those last seconds when you realize this is it, and then they stop. your body is quickly running out of oxygen. are you conscious? do you know when it stops? or do you fade out sometime before death. if so, then when does spirit-consciousness return? when is the moment when you realize, "i'm dead"? does it happen on this earth? or are you immediately in His presence? i've thought about this many times, sometimes even wondering if i'll know what to do. what if i get lost? i wouldn't put it past me.

but i suppose in the end, there is no knowing. i'll just have to wait and see.

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* the eastern orthodox depiction of sanctification. the idea that God became man, through Jesus, so that men might become God. this is not becoming part of God's essence, but rather being sanctified, and are so filled with God's spirit that you and the spirit are one. this can only fully happen after death.
** ecstasy is when a person is entranced with God, when they are "high" on God. catharsis is when you begin to let go of worldly passions. and apathy is when you have succeeded in separating yourself from worldly passions, and are completely engrossed in God. these are VERY simplistic definitions, but i hope they help anyway.