I love the Sea

I love the sea. So broad and beautiful, stretching out further than any eye can see. Her strong waves, though the have claimed countless lives through the ages, are yet beloved by millions. She is ever-changing and always the same. I have watched the sea my whole life, and I am still awed by her majesty. She answers no questions, and gives no account for her ways, yet I remain captivated. Both the brilliance of sunrise and the glory of sunset are multiplied when viewed across the sea. She can turn even the dullest grey fog into an intriguing mist.

I get so irritated by the scores of tourists who come here every summer. These people claim to love the beach, but who in reality only love it for what it can give to them. They come with their sunscreen and their surfboards, their beach umbrellas and their bikinis, and everything they "need" to have a fun day at the beach. But their value of the sea has nothing to do with the sea herself; only with their own amusement.

I could stand forever and watch her. Whether stormy or sunny, high tide or low; I just want to be near her, breath her in. She is like a friend, or a sister; the closest thing I have to home on this earth.

I was thinking all of this today, as I sat and watched the gentle waves rippling on the sand. And then a thought struck me, you may have seen it already, but my mind works slower than some.

I see God as those tourists see the sea.

I do not love Him for Him, I love Him for saving me, for protecting me, etc. in fact, I often go away to where I am most comfortable, and forget all about him for a while.

Rarely do I have a desire to just be with God. Rarely do I sit and breath him in.

I do not like that His past (and some would argue, His present) includes violence.

I do not like that He makes no explanations or excuses to me.

I do feel the need to bring along hoards of useless crap in order to fully enjoy my experience with the Most-High (as though He needs schedules and neatly drawn up devotionals to work in my life).

And I do think that I can get away with two intense weeks of "God-time" per year, and that will suffice until next time.

I love the sea. I love God, too, but not in the same way. Not yet, anyway.

questions and answers

being a bible major can be somewhat counter-productive. i mean, i love learning about this incredible book around which i have built my life, at least in theory. but sometimes turning my faith into something academic makes me forget that its my faith. sometimes the bible becomes just another textbook. sometimes i get so caught up in needing to know answers, that i forget to ask the questions.

i have a quote from tertullian. it is pinned against the wall by my bed. well, not pinned, its actually attached with blue goo, the only substance permitted to attach paper to walls in dorms without incurring the wrath of god, or something. but anyway, about the quote. i love it because it reminds me of the ridiculousness of my beliefs, of the absurdity of my faith tradition.

i always want to laugh when i hear people try to logically defend christianity. i mean, dont get me wrong, i believe that god is logical to a degree, and that he gave us minds and we should use them, but if you ever get the chance to observe an interfaith argument, just sit back and listen and see if you cant follow the ideas of the person whose beliefs are furthest from yours. ive watched christians try to argue people into christianity, and i am always amused because, generally speaking, the other person has better arguments and understands their faith, and often christianity, much more than the christian does.

seriously, though, most other religions make sense. christainity? not so much. but thats the beauty of it. no one sits around and makes this kind of shit up, you know? i mean, if i were to try to invent a religion, god coming to earth as a baby, growing up to be a homeless preacher, and being brutally executed by the occupying government would have nothing to do with it, much less the whole part about all of humanity being helplessly sinful. its all so completely out-there, literally.

so, here's what tertullian said:

The Son of God was crucified;
I am not ashamed because men needs be ashamed.

And the Son of God died;
it is by all means to be believed because it is absurd.

And he was buried and rose again;
the fact is certain, because it is impossible.

i really love this, that what i believe makes no sense (which is probably what you're thinking about this entry). i dont need the answers. i can question, i can wonder, its ok because the one who invented this plan is a whole lot smarter than me anyway. this doesnt mean i can turn off my brain, it just means that i will always be a student, my job will always be to ask the questions, and sometimes the asking takes more thinking than coming up with answers

my latest distraction

a few weeks ago i was accepted to study with a program in the city of jerusalem for next semester. my friend suggested i start a blog to relate my adventures to those who i leave back home. myself being a person of few words, i am sure he thought nothing of it. but i'm finding myself quite fascinated by this new world at my fingertips.

jeff, if i fail college because of this, i am blaming you